i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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