he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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