If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize