Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
