but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
