I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
