i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
