I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
