I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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