Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
