I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
