I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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