My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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