Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
