I accidentally had phone sex last night
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize