Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
