oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
