So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
