and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
