I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize