ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
How does one acquire holy water?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
