Don't make out with my wife yet
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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