Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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