is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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