oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
