woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize