I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
