a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
