i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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