I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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