I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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