That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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