if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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