is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
