Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
handjob tips. give me some.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
