So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
