is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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