I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize