If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
