can we get nightvision for the apartment?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
