im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
