Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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