1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
