Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
