I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
