I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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