yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You took a bar mat shot.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
