God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
