girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
