OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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