we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
