worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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