He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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