Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
