Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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