do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
