so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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