Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
