ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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