You're my little dorito
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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