Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Watching her eat just hurts me
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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