Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize