Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
