Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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