He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
