Pappa wants mamma naked
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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