Tell her she can't have a vagina
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize