People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
