Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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