Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Life is so much better after having sex.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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