hotel room ftw
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
