did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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