i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
In America we eat man semen.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
