When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Randomize
