so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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