This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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