TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
