Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
