My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
