You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
