Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Ketchup is God's man juice
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
