Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
