I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
