When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
