There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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