So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
