How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
