Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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