O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
