FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
