So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize