So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
