I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize