I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
