My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
