i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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