okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
