my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
