I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize