I don't usually arrange sex via text message
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
