Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Someone signed my nipple.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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