I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
