Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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